Matchmaker
Since my breakup last fall, my goals have been to become truly independent from my parents (financially stable, move out, etc.) and build a career. The two go hand in hand, of course. I have wanted a “career” since I graduated college-to feel as though I am a part of something that is growing and evolving, to grow and evolve along with it.
After my breakup I didn’t want to date anybody, and was, in fact, rather afraid of the idea of even being romantically interested in someone because I felt I would be distracted. I felt I might lose sight of what was a large motivational factor in ending my relationship-after all, I felt somewhat trapped during it and I cannot help but blame him a little even though it’s ultimately my motivation. I still feel that way, if I’m being honest. I know what I want within the next three years; what is the point of getting attached to someone if I intend to move away?
Anyways, a friend has decided that she would like to set me up with someone. Someone who is “nerdy like me” and is “cute” and if I would just agree to meet with him, that everything will “work itself out.” She knows I am not interested; I currently have a flirtation going on with someone, and even though that is stressful at times, it’s also just about perfect for where I am in life. I get attention, he gets attention, but there are no heavy relationship undercurrents. I like him quite a bit and would probably pursue that route if it were possible, but it isn’t at the current moment, so I enjoy it for what it is.
But, I do not understand why people insist on trying to set people up with other people. Personally I find it a little insulting and it causes me to be SUPER cautious if I am to meet that person. I don’t know why, exactly…I’ve always been that way. But, if you mention it to me, and I say no thanks, what makes you think that badgering me is going to change my mind? I’ll just dig in my heels. Finally, what is the point? If someone else is in my head, there is no room for anyone else. Therefore, there is no point in trying. Maybe my mind is a little wacky š
What do you think about being set up/ setting people up?
Amy Said:
on May 30, 2013 at 7:21 am
Hi Ginger,
Just stumbled onto your site š
It’s good to have goals in life and set out to persue them but it doesn’t have to be all that. It will be a lot to juggle if you want love and career at the same time but if you’re focused everything will come naturally.
I haven’t really tried to set up people, but I have tried to create opportunities to make people meet. I helped two friends meet up who actually met online but were too shy to see each other face-to-face despite both having feelings for one another. That was a fun day out and I’m really happy for them because it’s been over 5 years and they’re still strong ^^
People have tried to set me up, which include my family, and I don’t mind ‘meeting’ them so long as the guy knows that I want to become friends first and I’m not the type who believes at love at first sight… (I’ve never fallen for the fairytale stories.) The most recent one was nice as a friend but I didn’t have any feelings for him and didn’t really know how to tell him about it. It was somewhat awkward.
[Reply]
Mija Said:
on May 31, 2013 at 11:51 am
Nooo no set ups! Its so weird, if you DO actually go on a date with the guy then both your friend and the guy will bug you on a second date. What if he is boring and bleh? I’ve lost a friend because she kept trying to set me up with her guy friends (although she also either dated the guys before or the guy used to have a thing for her so thats a WHOLE other thing)
Also if you don’t go out and you see him at parties etc…its just awkward!!
[Reply]
Andrea Said:
on July 31, 2013 at 7:01 pm
Hi, I just stumbled on your blog for the first time.
I was on a recent breakup, well, that was quite some time ago now. I was often asked to meet someone. I had a hard time moving on from my ex, and everyone around me thought that it would be a good idea to insert someone in my life again to forget my ex.
It was really annoying for me.
But like you, I have someone I give my attention too. We’re not together or even dating. He’s a really good friend since I was 16 and just never lost communication. Basically, he is now my 24/7 buddy.
I’m not sure where things are going. Everything seems to be okay between me and him. I’m so not into him yet. And I’m not too attached. So it seems to be working okay for now.
We’re really close friends. My family actually likes him too (Mom particularly did when he helped setting up my 18th birthday party a few years ago). I don’t know what will happen. But I just don’t like the idea of set ups. Just let people know each other on their own — without any pressure or expectations.
I don’t know if my relationship with him’s a result of a set up because we have been teased so many times in the past. We developed a relationship as friends so I don’t think that would count as a set up too.
[Reply]