Gengar's Myth

“You really shot yourself in the foot,” he said.

I looked down at the burrito I was supposed to be eating. I had only ordered it because the last time my boss came to talk to me we visited the same place, and I did not eat, and it felt somewhat awkward. Never mind that I had eaten about two hours earlier and I really can’t eat when I’m nervous or stressed; the desire to place some sort of normalcy into 4 days’ worth of apprehension was my top priority.

“Here’s where you messed up.” He proceeded to give me a breakdown of the two spots in which I’d done damage to myself during the interview, both of which I was aware of. The interview was with his boss, short and clipped and detached.

“He said no.”

“OK.” I looked down again.

“Don’t get discouraged!” He proceeded to discuss the ideas he had for development and increasing rankings and told me some stories about his previous life before this job. He told me he still thinks I am probably the best person for the job, we’ve just had a setback, and he is going to do some research, as well as interview a few other candidates.

He said he will keep me posted.

It’s the best criticism I’ve ever received. I would rather know a million times over why I didn’t get a job. The REAL reason, not a fluffy reason. Not a reason that is legitimate that is backed up with false promises for development.

Just tell me I shot myself in the foot. Tell me when, where, and how. Tell me about the time you shot yourself in the foot. And tell me to not be discouraged. Tell me you still have my back if you do have it.

Have I mentioned I like my boss, and I think he’s going to be pretty great as time goes on?

I went to San Francisco about a month ago and am just now posting about it.

It was, of course, lovely. On Friday my friend and I hiked Angel Island, then took a ferry to…somewhere else I currently can’t remember. We had lunch. It was picturesque, as everything in SF is. I really like it there. I wish I could get a job there, but it’s incredibly competitive, so you need to have an “in” as it were, to even have a chance of being considered…which is a bit disappointing, but, I suppose, understandable. It is a little terrifying to think of moving to one of the most expensive cities in America without something lined up, don’t you think?

Anyways, here’s a panoramic I took from the top of Angel Island:

We actually had a rather laid-back weekend; we went to Napa on Saturday, which was fun, but not as educational and a bit more booze-fueled than I would have liked, but the scenery was most definitely gorgeous. Sunday I wasn’t feeling too well, and though we were out for about half the day, in the evening we hung around and watched teen flicks. I ate ramen, real ramen, for the first time. IT WAS AMAZING. I really enjoyed it. I love food. I know it’s super silly and I love Mexican food to death, and apparently it doesn’t really exist in Cali, but there is so much FOOD in San Francisco, and it’s all different. Or at least, it has been for me.

I also went on another date with my, uhh…romantic interest…while I was there, so that was nice. I like him, but it can’t really develop with so much space. Maybe I’ll get lucky and line up something where I can move and have an awesome job AND a love life :-p

Funny thing…but it is a lot easier for me to blog when I am not so happy. Isn’t that terrible? I use this as a bit of a looking-glass, though, and I suppose it’s a bit therapeutic. Honestly, things have actually been going fairly well for me lately, and I’ve been in a much better mood since I got back from my vacation; I guess I just needed a break!

Yesterday, I decided to get certified in Microsoft Office. I finally acknowledged that, if I want to get a job that is more career-oriented, I need to do more.

It is easy for me to feel bitter, like I’ve been cheated somehow, when it comes to college, and that I can’t get a job related to my degree, but it is exceedingly easy to get yet another job in retail. Well, I have quantifiable experience in retail. While I have a degree in Marketing, which should theoretically count as experience, I know it is not real-world experience. I can expand on theories I learned, but I have not been in the trenches. It’s logical, it’s just frustrating, because society implies that a degree is all you need. It helps, but in the end, you will still always need to be doing more.

It is one thing to want something different and continue to apply and be upset. It is another to take a step back, look at the situation, and plot the best way to get to where I want to be.

Six months or so ago I thought, I should look into expanding my knowledge related to marketing/public relations, so that I can get a job actually doing that. What did I do? Sign up for the first easy way out that presented itself -more retail- hoping that it would propel me to a management position, which has not happened (I know, I know, it’s only been about 6 months but I’m impatient). I now find myself facing the prospect of another holiday in a store, something I did not want to experience again, and on top of that it’s in a chain where they are now open on Thanksgiving and have always been open on Easter. I do not want this, so why did I settle for it? The answer is pure laziness-I know what I need to do/should be doing, but I tried to take the easy way out.

Am I qualified for the higher level management that would be getting me out of this store? Yes. Do I have the experience? No. Will I get the experience? Possibly…but do I really want to waste more time waiting to get something, when I can be taking actual physical steps to do something more? Absolutely not.

I enjoy learning; I tend to over-dedicate in my jobs. Why is it that I can pour more into my work and be upset when I don’t see results, when I’m not pouring more into myself? I need to make myself better if I expect better out of my world. I just need to keep reminding myself of that, because it’s easy for me to get caught up in the why’s instead of the why not’s.

I have to stay motivated. I can never stop learning.

Last week was my birthday, and to celebrate my friend Abby and I decided to go visit the Cockrell Butterfly Center in Houston. We both recently bought new fancy cameras and I wanted to have a little competition to see whose pictures came out better. I haven’t had a chance to see hers yet, but… I wasn’t so happy with mine. I’ve inserted a few of the ones that came out decently, but for the most part they were all super blurry. Apparently butterflies fly around a lot and aren’t huge fans of sitting still. I’m sure there’s a way to focus on them so you always get crisp shots, but I wasn’t able to figure it out in that short of a time frame.

I suppose I should explain that another reason for wanting to take pictures of butterflies was inspired by -you guessed it- Animal Crossing. In the game, one of the things you do is catch various bugs and butterflies with a net as you run across town. These, of course, help you make money, which you use to pay off your mortgage (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST EXCITING GAME EVER). This has made me want to “catch” bugs in real life. Since I have not owned a bug-catching net since I was probably 8 or so, I decided the next best thing would be to photograph bugs. I’ve actually taken quite a few pictures of different bugs, but that’s another post for another time I suppose.

I have really been enjoying my new camera, even though this event was not as…productive…as I’d hoped. I think I took about 250 pictures, and out of that I was really only happy with maybe 20. I am looking forward to building my skills, though, and continuing to photograph different things. If the weather gets nicer anytime soon I’ll take new pictures of my recent anime figure purchases. Right now it’s a little too warm to feel motivated to do anything involving the outdoors for more than 5 minutes.

In other life news, I’ve decided that it’s time to start job-hunting again. While the job I have is fine, I am not learning anything new, and this is discouraging for me. I took the job with intention of promotion or movement, and that has not happened. It’s only been four months, and I realize that I should be more patient; I suppose I feel I should be past this point in my life. I am tired of working bottom-rung retail. My hope is that I’ll be able to get a job that will teach me things, while allowing me to apply my previous experience. Really, I’d love some sort of training position, as I think I’d be good at it and I think I’d enjoy it- it would give me a chance to flex my creative muscles. In any case, I applied to about 12 jobs this week, so we’ll see if anyone bites!!